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Effort Is Based On Feelings, Not A Label.

A few months ago I wrote why the modern couple has such a hard time committing. But the real question is, why is commitment so important?!

Most people these days chase after commitment like their life depends on it. But in reality, what they’re really after is A Label. To be called someone’s girlfriend or boyfriend, husband or wife etc. It’s just a title that gives you a mere sense of entitlement. It’s basically saying you owe me. 


What many fail to understand is that a label does not define the status of your relationship or the depth of the connection you share with someone. People often think that once you make this commitment you are bound to do certain things for the other when really it should not be that way at all. As a matter of fact, things you do out of obligation is not even worth it if its not done with love. 


You shouldn’t prioritise someone else just because they are your significant other and you think it’s the right thing to do. If they’re someone you truly care for and enjoy being with then that should come natural to you regardless of the title. Most people analyse all the logical reasons all their lives and get into relationships and suddenly start making all these compromises because they believe it’s the right thing to do. Hardly do they realise that these things they do for the other person because of that entitlement that comes with the label, later turns into resentment. 


Another misconception that comes with “commitment” is that your life stops for the other person. You lose your freedom and all the things you once loved doing, you can no longer do. I have in many occurrences seen people stop doing all the things that comes natural to them because their partner somehow has an issue with it. Worst of all, they do it behind their backs and lie about it with a straight face. I never understood myself why people run after the people they have the least amount of compatibility with but somehow it seems to be the trend. They say opposites attract. But do they, really?!


For most of my life when people asked me why I don’t do relationships I didn’t quite know how to answer the question. At times I felt like maybe it was a commitment phobia or a fear of being attached or simply the act of being vulnerable with another human being. Then I sat down with myself and asked what it was I really wanted. It’s not a mere relationship or some trendy label that I’m after. I don’t want someone cancelling boys night because they think I’m gonna be mad if they don’t. I don’t want someone dropping all their work to reply to my messages because they think that’s what I want. I don’t want someone trying to spend time with me simply because I’m their girlfriend and I’m “entitled” to quality time. I don’t want someone introducing me to all their friends as their partner and still doing things they know are not right, behind my back. I’m not thirteen anymore. I don’t want a relationship right out of the textbook.


What I want is very simple. I want someone who enjoys spending time with me because they would rather that than anything else. Because they truly enjoy my company and not because they should. I want someone who wouldn’t do things that they know would upset me not because I’d be furious but because they respect me that much. I want someone I can rely on when the world goes south and I know they’d be there, not because they should but because they care. I don’t want all these entitlements that comes merely by being someone’s girlfriend. What I want is someone who values me enough to prioritise me regardless. Not cuz they should but because they rather would. What I want is an emotional connection that runs deeper than a shallow relationship status. I’d rather just date someone whom I can be completely free with, sexually, spiritually, emotionally, physically and cosmically and go fucking wild than be a girlfriend to someone who has no clue what to do with me. If someone cannot top what I’m already doing for myself, that someone is simply not for me. And that’s ok. 

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