The Mayhem of A Hookup Culture

A topic that circles back and forth these days. It’s safe to say that we have deviated further from the norm that used to be monogamy, chivalry & commitment. In a society where men & women are so easily and readily available for casual sex, it’s almost impossible to find the “Real Deal”.  Most importantly, why commit right?! As the saying goes, if you get the milk for free, why buy the cow?! Before we go any further with this post, this is not me saying withhold having sex. In fact, it’s the complete opposite but in this day and age know what to expect (or rather what not to expect) so you save yourself and others from the troubles and destruction.

We’ve already established that we’re a broken generation and we often try and mend that brokenness by either drinking, partying or hooking up with multiple people. (Although it is far from the solution, it’s the truth) For whatever reason, be it family issues, past relationship trauma, attachment issues, abandonment issues, commitment phobia or simply the excitement for variety, the majority do not want exclusivity. But the upside to this is people being able to be clear with their intentions about just wanting a hookup because we’re far beyond the point of being judgmental. Shit hits the ceiling when the other person cannot accept this truth due to the “I can change them” mindset.

Not here to talk about why people have casual sex but to give a few pointers (especially to women) about what you’re signing up for. I have had guys who wanted to genuinely date me & guys who have been very clear that they just wanna hook up with me & given me the option to take it or leave it. And yes, chemistry is a very important aspect in a relationship and if you want to make it work long term you have got to know what you’re getting yourself into. BUT, don’t expect to turn a fuck-buddy into a boyfriend unless he clearly communicates he wants more.

I have seen so many posts about how women speak on “consent”. The bitter truth is it goes both ways.

-          If you’re seeing a guy whom you hook up with time and time again and it’s not going beyond that point “don’t assume” he is now magically your boyfriend.

-          If he has clearly communicated that he is not looking for anything serious and you want more then walk out instead of sticking around to see if you can change him.

-          If he’s sleeping with 9 other women whilst still sleeping with you know that he has every right to. (And so do you if that’s your thing) There is no guilt there whatsoever.

-          He has no obligation (neither do you) to keep in touch regularly or at all if it was nothing but a hook up. (It’s common courtesy if he does but you’re not entitled to it)

-          He can consider you a fling and still treat you like a princess when you two are together. That is just so he was brought up to treat women with respect and wanting casual “consensual” sex from a woman doesn’t make him any less disrespectful. And doesn’t give you the right to assume he wants more.

-          If you get knocked up and you feel the need to “take care of the situation” without him knowing you have every right to do so.

-          If on the other hand you want him to know then you have the right to tell him too but as long as you agreed to sex without contraception you have no right to demand anything of him. (A decent human would still offer to be there with whatever decision)

-          Lastly, if you’re unclear of his intentions and want more clarity on the relationship status then ALWAYS HAVE THE CONVERSATION. If you don’t like what you hear, move on.

When we see a guy we’re attracted to and know the attraction is mutual it’s easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment. We’d get carried away and curious to know what’s next. What we often don’t understand is, men are very here & now people. They can genuinely be interested in you one minute and feel completely different the next because they’re also very attentive and observant more than we think. When they know they know if you’re the one or not. It doesn’t make them bad humans. It just makes them men. Just like us women are wired to want to settle down, have kids and live our “happily ever after”. The X & Y chromosomes that set us apart. This is also why I believe gender equality is bullshit. There are things men do better and there are things women do better. Be proud of it and embrace it and whatever they do better, sit back and enjoy the benefits ladies.

The real trouble is when we pretend to be ok with whatever they do because we hold on to that single thread of hope that he will eventually come around when he has been very clear with his intentions, wants and needs from the start. By the time we realize it’s never going to happen we lose ourselves in a delusion. Start hating on the entire male species and make up our versions of the story.

I believe in love. Real, old school love and also believe there are enough men out there who are looking for exactly the same. But I can’t keep offering it to a guy who isn’t ready and then get mad at him when he rejects it. If you want more, go look for more. But stop this slut shaming, gender bashing and mass destruction ladies. It’s not empowering. What it is, is UGLY. And it’s a disgrace to quality women all over the world.

Bonus tip: Amal Clooney didn’t turn Hollywood’s most eligible bachelor into a husband and a father by crying for attention and slut shaming men. She did it with brains. Use it. It’s free.