You're Not For Everyone!

Hello lovely readers!! Been a while since I wrote anything.

Well, I'm starting to see a pattern in my opening lines actually because . . . I've come to the realization that I do not write as often as I would like to. But 'ey, QUALITY over QUANTITY aye?!

Yes, quality. Definitely!! When it comes to basically everything in life from food to clothes to cosmetics we often look for quality. Ironically, when it comes to the most important aspect we tend to completely overlook this. RELATIONSHIPS and the people we associate ourselves with.  

We will befriend just about anyone in this day and age. Is it due to common courtesy, need for attention, out of loneliness, inability to set boundaries or the lack of self-worth on our part?! Well, I am still looking for the answer too. But here's the thing, it's not the answer that matters but the question itself. How many relationships, romantic or platonic, do we need in our lives?! Its a matter or quality over quantity.

Why is it so important we choose the right people?

Because just like the food we consume or the makeup we wear, the people we're surrounded by can do a lot of good or damage to our being. But unlike the rest it will be worse because the wrong ones will destroy your mental health and we all know that is far worse than any physical damage caused. 

How to filter the good from bad is a whole other topic I am not going to cover in this one but here's what to look for to avoid any damage that you can bring upon yourself.

Stop Giving People The Benefit of The Doubt... TWICE!!

As the saying goes, "bite me once, shame on you. Bite me twice, shame on me." When someone shows you their true colours once, don't test their limits to see if they'd do it again. People may change or remain the same but you don't have to stick around to find out. 

The Red Flags You See Are As Red As They Can Get.

When you notice a red flag or two in the beginning, it's not a treasure hunt to go exploring how many of those you can collect. Because the price you get at the end of that hunt is nothing but trauma and agony and self-loath. If you see a red flag then it's a godamn red flag. Period!

You're Their Friend or Partner. NOT Their Shrink or Counselor. 

Don't get me wrong. In any relationship, romantic or platonic, there should be a balanced dynamic where you could count on each other. That's why we have bestfriends or partners. But if one person is extremely dependent on the other and constantly trying to find solace in the other then there most certainly is no balance. This will just fill the other person with so much negative energy and feel constantly drained. They would even feel suffocated when they cannot present a solution and bring those troubles upon them. Often feeling responsible for the other person's pain.

You're Not Their Psychic.

Contrary to what I have told above, you cannot be with people who are closed books. They constantly have something going on in their minds which you have no idea about but they refuse to communicate any. This is going to lead into their slightest behavioral change yet again making you feel responsible and you constantly walking on eggshells around them because these people are like ticking bombs waiting to go off. The end result is you driving yourself insane trying to figure things out, analyzing scenarios in your head. TOXIC AT IT'S BEST!!

And lastly...

You Need A Human Connection... Not A Project.

How people choose to behave or treat you is their problem. It has absolutely nothing to do with you. This however becomes your problem when it starts causing you damage. When they make you feel anxious, drained and constantly depressed. We need people in our lives who make us feel safe and warm and loved. It's not our job to fix the broken because trust me when I say this, trying to fix a broken person will only break you. When people don't heal from what broke them they bleed on people who didn't cut them and this gets carried on from one person to another. Someone inflicts pain on me and I go inflict pain on another. Trauma always leaves a scar. Make sure it ends with you. 

Let your guard down but set your boundaries straight. Let people in but leave the wrong ones behind. Watch what people do and block out what they say. You'll have much more healthier, happier, meaningful and lasting relationships in life. Very few as a matter of fact but loved, cherished and adored by them all.