Most of our lives are spent on us
analyzing ourselves. Or even over-analyzing I'd say.
As little girls & boys, to teenagers, to young adults, to grown ups, we have always wanted to be the best version of ourselves. And sometimes we go overboard into being the best version of someone else.
Maybe when we were young it was all about being like our favorite fairy or princess or superhero. As we grow up, it was more about being liked & accepted by others that mattered. We have ideally spent most our time trying to fit in, out of the fear of rejection. Rejection by parents, friends, romantic partners. The fear of never being 'good enough'. Due to this reason we often grow up to please people instead of being the rebels we ought to be. At least for the most parts of our lives, that is.
Lucky for some, at some point in their lives they take a turn. Sooner or later, they realize that life is meant to be lived simply the way it is. not perfectly, but perfectly flawed. Not how others want it to be & most certainly not how others want to see. They give up pleasing people & they live for themselves.
Are they liked by many? I fear not
But the question is, are the ones who live to please people liked by many? Na-aah. Not likely.
The truth is, the people pleasers are liked for what they can do for others. For living up to other people's standards & not their's. But they will never be liked for the people they really are. Sadly, some never realize this till it's too late & worse, some already do but they'd rather live to be accepted for who they're not.
As kids, it's so important to feel loved & special & complimented. It is a matter of time until we realize that our life doesn't depend on another's acceptance of us. It's mostly as we turn teenagers that we turn out to become the opposite versions of who we really are. Probably to get another's attention, probably to be Miss. or Mr. Popular, or just simply because it feels good to fake perfection. Sadly, some never get pass this stage even post adulthood.
They get into relationships for all the wrong reasons, end up being married for all the wrong excuses, remain unfaithful to themselves to please all the wrong people.
Just like they say, 'beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder', so does character. It's just a matter of perception. You can be an angel to one & Satan to another, while you being all the same. It just depends on who likes what about you. You simply cannot be virgin Mary to please one person & Pamela Anderson to please another. You have one identity & you carry that right through out your journey, for all the right reasons, & the right people will stick by you. That's going to be your tribe.
If you're going to have to change yourself for every new person you meet, just so you fit in, you will never be entitled to the benefits of a meaningful friendship, a fruitful relationship or better yet, any sort of string with a solid foundation. Your authenticity is your identity.
You may like people for all kinds of reasons & if they don't like you back, then let go. Don't change to impress. As we keep aging, we're all about finding 'The One'. The one you like may not think that you're dating material or marriage material. SO WHAT?! Big Deal huh?
You may want to hang out with people who are so out of your vibe knowing damn well they're not your people. So you change instead, to fit in the box. ALL FOR WHAT?!
You may not be the favorite child cuz you don't live up to your parents' expectations. Hey! at least you're doing the best you can than putting up a facade to being the dream child of every parent.
But changing?! that's the worst thing you could do, not only to yourself but to everyone around you. Remember, if you're not going to stick up to yourself, then who else will?
If you don't respect yourself enough to live up to your standards, then no one will.
If you don't love your life bad enough to preserve it's originality, you will always be remembered a copy.
Don't ever give someone else the opportunity to do a better job with your life, than you.
xx
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